Psychology

Ok my fellow followers- I am engulfed with rage! I should channel this into a positive form but for right now I will vent.

For those of you who know me, this has to do with my mother. How should I begin? Well lets just say ..........that at her best she is usually unsupportive in any venture I undertake. When I went to University she couldn't quite understand why on earth I would spend money to complete a graduate program after my underdegree. When I cut my hair in a certain way, she is the first to smirk and tell me how horrible it looks. My house is never clean enough, I don't feed my children properly....the list goes on and on. She will never acknowledge her role in a disagreement-suffice it to say that I have never ever heard her say sorry in my almost 40 years on this planet.

The problem is that because she is involved in my children's lives, some information about my life gets passed to her. About two months ago, she found out (not by me) that I am competing in a triathalon. She asked me about this, and I haven't really revealed too much other than to say it involves running, cycling and swimming. Immediately I heard the berated comments about how crazy I am and that I am simply doing a ridiculous amount of excercise (note-she has no clue about how long this is so you can imagine the comments that would follow if she really knew).

How does one deal with this? When I was younger, I desperately wanted her to change, however I have come to terms with the fact this will never happen. I am OK with this, and my strategy for dealing with her for the most part is to disdance. There is absolutely no point in discussing any issue that she already has an opinion about. Therapy has served me well in this regard. She is toxic to me and such is life. I believe that other people have it way harder so I can not complain. Life is hard for everyone-that I know for sure- even if on the surface it looks like a person has everything going for them-they don't-life is not like that.

So my rage began as I was sitting on the computer checking my email. My mother and daughter were outside talking to my neighbour. I could hear the conversation perfectly as the window was open. My mother was telling my neighbour about how stupid I was for doing triathalons, blah blah blah. Now its one thing to insult me to my face, but quite another to diss me behind my back. This upsets me greatly-not so much about what my neighbour may or may not think of me, but because my little daughter is obviously hearing how her grandmother is putting down her mother.

Fortunately, I have spoken to both my children about how their grandmother "is" . I suppose my mother never learned that if you can't say something nice-don't say it at all. I am also very glad that I have done lots of work pofessionally and personally about talking with children, so I am holding on to that and try and address things with my little people as best I can.

I am also very greatful for my husband who is so supportive of me in this venture. He truly models this support in front of my little people-and since they are both attatched to us, I am hoping that at the end of the day, this will be reparative.

Now followers, just so we are clear, I am not trying to berate or say anything bad about my mother-I am venting, because this hurts but it is what it is. I really do not want to be viewed as a hypocrite. My mother has had a really hard life-there are not many stories I have heard that can top hers (and trust me I have heard a lot of stories) and if you knew-this explains alot.

But, this blog is about my process, of who I am and why I do what I do. I am sharing this information with you not to garner sympathy-but just so you know. And if my children ever read this one day, I want them to also know that life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, good and bad, and that no matter what we must carry on. Psychology has a huge part to play and its intersting that like life with all its curve balls, a triathalon is a microcosim of this too.