Sausage Casing

Ok there has been a big problem with my swim suit as of late. I believe it has something to do with the glue they use to ensure the thing is hemmed properly and does not rip. Well my suit has malfunctioned in a big way, and after every swim I have been noticing this black goo all over my body. It is kinda like the substance of tar and does not wash off easily at all.

Well today I had it! After my swim, and being covered in black goo, I say to meself, self, I am going to the store and blow even more money that I really had not intended. A good suit is usually anywhere from 60-80 bucks, and I can think of a lot of other things I would rather spend my money on at this moment. However, this black gue I can no longer take, and I am not entirely confident that it would be "harmless" staying on my skin with repeated exposure!

So off I go to the swim store. The ladies there know me by name, what with all the swimming caps and goggles I have been going through. As I walk through the doors they are smiling, and I know something is up. They reveal that they recieved their shipment of wetsuits in. Yeah I say to meself, after consuming 4 waffles this morning and feeling like I am 4 months pregnant! But they convince me to try some on.

Fortunately for me, I have an extremely patient little daughter, who was very interested to see how her mommy could stuff her body into a teeney weeney wetsuit. In fact I almost laughed out loud when they handed me the first one to try on.

Now the saleslady was very knowledgeable in helping me. She told me, that putting on a wetsuit should be done like how one would put on a pair of nylons-only the wetsuit does not stop at the waste. I followed her advice and tried very carefully not to tug too much as the ouside shell of the wetsuit is very suseptible to tears and nicks from fingernails.

By the time, I got the thing up to my neck, I was sweating perfusely and felt like I was choking when I zipped the thing up. Then I looked in the mirror-and was horrified to see a giant sausage staring back at me. These suits are not very forgiving and are supposed to fit like "a second skin". Repeat, 4 waffles before trying on a wetsuit is not a good combo!

When I walked out of the changing room, the 2 salesladies circled me like sharks, checking out where the suit gaps, how tight it was in certain places and pulled and tugged in all directions to ensure I had it on properly. Once my wetsuit was adjusted in the crotch area (clearly embarassing for me, but not the pro's) I felt less like choking. After spending about ten minutes walking around and getting the feel of it, I tried on another. Then I tried on the first one again, and then the second one. An hour and a half later, I not only spent 70 bucks on a swimsuit, but a whole whack of money on the wetsuit.

I have been clearly instructed not to swim with the wetsuit on in a pool, as the chlorine or bromide solutions in pools will eat away at the neoprene. The clerk was very kind in saying that I could try it out in Bird's Hill Park and likely aim in the next two weeks. (Yikes I say to meself, as I am sure the water will be very cold-but then again probabally not as cold as the glacier fed river I will be swimming in at Ghost Lake in Calgary!)

The clerk has encouraged me to wear my wetsuit around the house, as these suits will tend to mold to your body and give a bit. I expressed fear in not being able to get the thing on properly or efficiently. She smiled at me and said, that in order for the suit to get on easier, I could use a product called Body Glide (I actually use this when I wear new runners to prevent blistering until the shoe is worn in). This comes in a stick like deodorant, and I said, that to her that I would need several sticks to cover my body. She laughed again and then told me a secret that some people do: They spray themselves with PAM prior to putting the suit on. She did caution me that PAM tends to stain clothes.

Well, I am not sure I will go with PAM especially if it is a sunny day. Can you imagine the sunburn one would get if one were covered in PAM for 7 plus hours in the sun? I think, I will practice putting on and taking off my wetsuit as much as I can. If any of you come to visit me, and wonder why I have a wetsuit on-Now you know! (just please don't put me on the BBQ)