Guilt

Ok so FYI I was able to get some of the things I wanted to do yesterday done-I managed to print off the race schedule, I finished my daughter's scrapbook-but not the baby book, and I made some power bars.

Now anyone who knows me, knows I am not the best cook unless I have a recipe in front of me. Well, I had about ten recipes in front of me yesterday and kind used a bit of this and a bit of that from all sorts of recipes. In the end, my power bars consisted of coconut flour, goji berries, honey dates, chocolate chips, almonds, millet, applesauce, oatmeal and sunflower seeds. I quite like them, but they are a bit crumbly in a soft way. I think I must repeat and use molases or some sticky substances so that I can eat it easier-especially if I am on the bike. Also if anyone ever shops at bulk food stores-the bulk bin is awesome and way cheaper than scoop and weigh!

Today I am a bit nervous- I am going to see Mr. P today at Birds Hill for a lesson in gear changing. He also wants me to bring my runners-Yikes. I have a feeling that the weather is going to be lousy-but I guess I should prepare for this as anything can happen in Calgary.

I'm also gearing up to do another tempo run this morning at the gym. Last week, I set the pace very fast, and suffered ! Since I have to increase time, and I have a bike ride ahead of me this afternoon, I am contemplating slowing down just a tad. Knowing me though, I probabally won't. See that's the thing about running, you get stuck on numbers, on time, on pace, and then feel guilty if you don't maintain. I know this thinking is absolutely crazy-but then again is it perservearance or dedication?

I believe it is important to maintain balance, and I try my very best to do this. The last thing I want is for my children to feel like they are overdriven. Yet I also want them to be able to challenge themselves and maintain a level of self-discipline in whatever they do. I hope I am modelling that. How does one arrive at that? Must think on this more. So easy to say it, but to actually understand how the process behind this works and translate that into behaviour is another!

There is also the guilt in doing this race, as it is increasingly involving more and more time. When the training does not involve impinging on family, it is great. But today for instance I am feeling guilty about having Isaac stay at the lunch program and my mom watch Ava so I can go on this bike ride. Guilt, guilt, guilt......ahhhhh