OK followers- there is that saying-careful what you wish for. Well today was supposed to be my open water swim but because of the rain, thunder and lightening, it was of course cancelled due to safety reasons!
So you would think I would be somewhat happy and relieved about this situation-at least I thought I would be-but not so! I am actually upset that this did not occur. Why-because as per my usual state these days, I am starting to panic about not having practiced this and my first triathalon is in 2 weeks!
Fortunately Mr. P has temporarily calmed my nerves and is optimistic about getting me out to swim prior to the race. All I can think about are the stories I have heard from other's (none of which have been positive) so I will have to brace myself for this event!
On a more positive note, I did get my hair cut and thinned, so hopefully my swim cap will stay on much better. Will keep you posted!
As of June 1st, my training is going to be kicked up into high gear- I think Mr. P's exact words were that the "next 5 weeks are going to suck!" Thus I am letting you know that I probabally will not be posting as often but will do my best to provide updates.
OK weather-smarten up and I need to get in the water! Giddyup!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Traumatized
OK followers-I think I am still in shock that I managed to live through the duathalon on Tuesday evening. You see Winnipeg had a wind warning in effect, and just so we are all clear, the wind was gusting at times to over 90km/hour. Psychological trauma definitely occured for me!
Here I was soo concerned about how to pace myself -all that went out the window, when I realized that I just needed to focus on staying on the bike and throw out any aspirations of improving time. At points on the ride, I nearly got blown off. The biggest problem is that the gusts were completely unpredictable so that at any moment you could be caught off guard.
I learned very quickly that I could use a lot more leg power-and that will be a long term goal of mine to work on. Going up a hill in those conditions was absolutely horrible. And while I don't tire out aerobically on the bike very often, it is my leg muscles that burn baby burn! This is not good when after the bike you have to run. The result is rubber chicken legs and the potential for bonking!
I guess at the end of the day, I did learn something very valuable. This is it....that despite how much training you put in, despite how hard you have worked, despite all the reading you have done, there is nothing that you can do to prepare for the unknown-whether that be bad weather, a flat tire, a broken bone etc. All you can do is be the best you can, but the dissapointment and heartache one feels at not being able to perform at your best is undescribable. I guess though it is at these moments, that I feel more determined then ever to carry on-to improve, and ultimately reach the goals I set out for myself.
Here I was soo concerned about how to pace myself -all that went out the window, when I realized that I just needed to focus on staying on the bike and throw out any aspirations of improving time. At points on the ride, I nearly got blown off. The biggest problem is that the gusts were completely unpredictable so that at any moment you could be caught off guard.
I learned very quickly that I could use a lot more leg power-and that will be a long term goal of mine to work on. Going up a hill in those conditions was absolutely horrible. And while I don't tire out aerobically on the bike very often, it is my leg muscles that burn baby burn! This is not good when after the bike you have to run. The result is rubber chicken legs and the potential for bonking!
I guess at the end of the day, I did learn something very valuable. This is it....that despite how much training you put in, despite how hard you have worked, despite all the reading you have done, there is nothing that you can do to prepare for the unknown-whether that be bad weather, a flat tire, a broken bone etc. All you can do is be the best you can, but the dissapointment and heartache one feels at not being able to perform at your best is undescribable. I guess though it is at these moments, that I feel more determined then ever to carry on-to improve, and ultimately reach the goals I set out for myself.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Mind games
Slugfest is officially over. Anxiety is setting in for 2 reasons:
1. Mr. P text'd me last night and informed me (I think with sinister laughter) that there is a change to my program. Instead of the short duathalon tonight, I am scheduled to go long! My biggest worry is falling off the bike as the wind speed today is crazy and it often takes you by surprise and jerks you violently on the bike.
2. I will be doing my very first open water swim this week-so I guess I better wear the wetsuit around the house again to further assist in the molding process! I also spoke with another woman who completed her first open water swim this weekend and cried her eyes out as she couldn't even complete 800meters and she is way fitter than me!
I am not sure why, but these duathalons get me quite anxious-tonight will be my fourth so you think I would be less freaked-not so! Having said this, it is an awesome feeling to complete it and I guess that is why I keep putting myself in a tremendously uncomfortable situation. Oh and I guess it's also good practice for the Big One, which if I think about it, is not that far off in the future.
I now totally understand why people benefit from sports psychologists-the mind is so powerful and can work in your favor or detriment. In my case, it's not really helping me out too much, but I know I have the power to change this.
My task for the next while is really to get a handle on this mental game. I know I must sound so self-absorbed and I appologize, but who knew that it could get the better of you. At the end of the day, its just a silly race-in the whole scheme of things this really does not matter. Other things matter way more. This really should be viewed as fun, because when I look around me I see things that people struggle with daily that are way harder. For that matter, if I turn on the news one can see that in most parts of the world it really is a matter of life and death to survive on the planet. I need to focus on this and remember this when I get anxious-after all things really need to be put into perspective in moments of panic! Shame shame on me!
1. Mr. P text'd me last night and informed me (I think with sinister laughter) that there is a change to my program. Instead of the short duathalon tonight, I am scheduled to go long! My biggest worry is falling off the bike as the wind speed today is crazy and it often takes you by surprise and jerks you violently on the bike.
2. I will be doing my very first open water swim this week-so I guess I better wear the wetsuit around the house again to further assist in the molding process! I also spoke with another woman who completed her first open water swim this weekend and cried her eyes out as she couldn't even complete 800meters and she is way fitter than me!
I am not sure why, but these duathalons get me quite anxious-tonight will be my fourth so you think I would be less freaked-not so! Having said this, it is an awesome feeling to complete it and I guess that is why I keep putting myself in a tremendously uncomfortable situation. Oh and I guess it's also good practice for the Big One, which if I think about it, is not that far off in the future.
I now totally understand why people benefit from sports psychologists-the mind is so powerful and can work in your favor or detriment. In my case, it's not really helping me out too much, but I know I have the power to change this.
My task for the next while is really to get a handle on this mental game. I know I must sound so self-absorbed and I appologize, but who knew that it could get the better of you. At the end of the day, its just a silly race-in the whole scheme of things this really does not matter. Other things matter way more. This really should be viewed as fun, because when I look around me I see things that people struggle with daily that are way harder. For that matter, if I turn on the news one can see that in most parts of the world it really is a matter of life and death to survive on the planet. I need to focus on this and remember this when I get anxious-after all things really need to be put into perspective in moments of panic! Shame shame on me!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Positive-calm vibes
Hello my faithful followers, I am still enjoying slugfest and was able to sleep in until 7am-very unusual but obviously the body needed it!
Right now I am thinking about my sister and how she might be extremely nervous right about now. I am sending positive-calm-vibes to her right now as she is about to embark on an incredible goal. You see she has been training to run 10 miles and the big race start in about 40 minutes!
My sis kinda poo poo's this incredible feat she has undertaken, and like the rest of us in this world (aside from quite possibly socio and psychopaths) does not give herself enough credit! What makes this even more challenging is that my sis has Asthma-so she has to work extra hard at developing her cardio fitness. My sis also has an incredibly busy work life, and raises 2 fantastic children with her hubby. I so wish I could see her cross the finish line, but will await anxiously for the phone call later this morning.
As for me, I will continue to move slow and then am supposed to do some easy stretching or yoga. It's hard to believe in some ways that rest is what in the end makes you stronger. If you do not take breaks your body will break down. The body needs to repair-and as I sit and type, my body is doing some marvelous things that I am completely unaware of right now. Amazing!
Right now I am thinking about my sister and how she might be extremely nervous right about now. I am sending positive-calm-vibes to her right now as she is about to embark on an incredible goal. You see she has been training to run 10 miles and the big race start in about 40 minutes!
My sis kinda poo poo's this incredible feat she has undertaken, and like the rest of us in this world (aside from quite possibly socio and psychopaths) does not give herself enough credit! What makes this even more challenging is that my sis has Asthma-so she has to work extra hard at developing her cardio fitness. My sis also has an incredibly busy work life, and raises 2 fantastic children with her hubby. I so wish I could see her cross the finish line, but will await anxiously for the phone call later this morning.
As for me, I will continue to move slow and then am supposed to do some easy stretching or yoga. It's hard to believe in some ways that rest is what in the end makes you stronger. If you do not take breaks your body will break down. The body needs to repair-and as I sit and type, my body is doing some marvelous things that I am completely unaware of right now. Amazing!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Slugfest begins!
Ok followers-I completed my brick workout of swimming and cycling and now the celebration begins (temporarily!) I plan to laze around for the next 24hours and make like a slug.
Slugfest is especially good today, as I don't have to make dinner and remarkably I am caught up on laundry. I also have planted most of my gardern, put down grass seed and tidied the house to an acceptible level.
The sun is shining, the grass is green and the kids are playing. I plan to induldge and have a glass of wine, and soak up some sun. I plan to move slow and eat lots. Gotta go and enjoy this while I can!
Slugfest is especially good today, as I don't have to make dinner and remarkably I am caught up on laundry. I also have planted most of my gardern, put down grass seed and tidied the house to an acceptible level.
The sun is shining, the grass is green and the kids are playing. I plan to induldge and have a glass of wine, and soak up some sun. I plan to move slow and eat lots. Gotta go and enjoy this while I can!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Regeneration- so close but yet so far!
Hello-back again, and this time, I am very tired. In fact yesterday I was playing with my baby girl and dozed off for10 minutes-that has never happened!
I am once again nearing the peak of my workouts, and have a long day tomorrow before my regeneration week-which means cutting back my workouts and then re-building. I could not possibly explain the science behind this, but it works.
This week also has the potential to be quite challenging as Mr. P is encouraging me to do an open water swim. We haven't firmed up the day but last night I had nightmares about this! I really have got to be careful as to error in a lake can well........result in a very very bad situation. I told Mr. P he better have lifesaving skills just in case.
Now swimming in a pool to me is luxury compared to a lake. In fact I really hate swimming in water where I can not see my toes. Bird's Hill has the added bonus of lots and lots of reeds, minnows and excrement from water fowl, children, and lazy ass adults who couldn't be bothered to pee in a lavatory.
All I can hope for is that first I don't drown and second, I don't contract something like E.Coli or another bug as I think I have mentioned before that I swallow a lot of water. I am also very shy to be putting on a "second skin" (aka wet suit) as every single bump and ripple show. It's pretty much like being naked-and while many have told me that I should not worry about this-it is not helpful! (although I know it's all good intentions).
Distractions are also a good thing, when stressed, and I had the good fortune to do just that with my family this afternoon. We went to the Art Gallery to see the Art of Warner Bros, and loved it! Course the waskly wabbit is my all time favourite toon! (Sponge Bob is second) Ah yup-still a kid at heart!
I am once again nearing the peak of my workouts, and have a long day tomorrow before my regeneration week-which means cutting back my workouts and then re-building. I could not possibly explain the science behind this, but it works.
This week also has the potential to be quite challenging as Mr. P is encouraging me to do an open water swim. We haven't firmed up the day but last night I had nightmares about this! I really have got to be careful as to error in a lake can well........result in a very very bad situation. I told Mr. P he better have lifesaving skills just in case.
Now swimming in a pool to me is luxury compared to a lake. In fact I really hate swimming in water where I can not see my toes. Bird's Hill has the added bonus of lots and lots of reeds, minnows and excrement from water fowl, children, and lazy ass adults who couldn't be bothered to pee in a lavatory.
All I can hope for is that first I don't drown and second, I don't contract something like E.Coli or another bug as I think I have mentioned before that I swallow a lot of water. I am also very shy to be putting on a "second skin" (aka wet suit) as every single bump and ripple show. It's pretty much like being naked-and while many have told me that I should not worry about this-it is not helpful! (although I know it's all good intentions).
Distractions are also a good thing, when stressed, and I had the good fortune to do just that with my family this afternoon. We went to the Art Gallery to see the Art of Warner Bros, and loved it! Course the waskly wabbit is my all time favourite toon! (Sponge Bob is second) Ah yup-still a kid at heart!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Psychology
Ok my fellow followers- I am engulfed with rage! I should channel this into a positive form but for right now I will vent.
For those of you who know me, this has to do with my mother. How should I begin? Well lets just say ..........that at her best she is usually unsupportive in any venture I undertake. When I went to University she couldn't quite understand why on earth I would spend money to complete a graduate program after my underdegree. When I cut my hair in a certain way, she is the first to smirk and tell me how horrible it looks. My house is never clean enough, I don't feed my children properly....the list goes on and on. She will never acknowledge her role in a disagreement-suffice it to say that I have never ever heard her say sorry in my almost 40 years on this planet.
The problem is that because she is involved in my children's lives, some information about my life gets passed to her. About two months ago, she found out (not by me) that I am competing in a triathalon. She asked me about this, and I haven't really revealed too much other than to say it involves running, cycling and swimming. Immediately I heard the berated comments about how crazy I am and that I am simply doing a ridiculous amount of excercise (note-she has no clue about how long this is so you can imagine the comments that would follow if she really knew).
How does one deal with this? When I was younger, I desperately wanted her to change, however I have come to terms with the fact this will never happen. I am OK with this, and my strategy for dealing with her for the most part is to disdance. There is absolutely no point in discussing any issue that she already has an opinion about. Therapy has served me well in this regard. She is toxic to me and such is life. I believe that other people have it way harder so I can not complain. Life is hard for everyone-that I know for sure- even if on the surface it looks like a person has everything going for them-they don't-life is not like that.
So my rage began as I was sitting on the computer checking my email. My mother and daughter were outside talking to my neighbour. I could hear the conversation perfectly as the window was open. My mother was telling my neighbour about how stupid I was for doing triathalons, blah blah blah. Now its one thing to insult me to my face, but quite another to diss me behind my back. This upsets me greatly-not so much about what my neighbour may or may not think of me, but because my little daughter is obviously hearing how her grandmother is putting down her mother.
Fortunately, I have spoken to both my children about how their grandmother "is" . I suppose my mother never learned that if you can't say something nice-don't say it at all. I am also very glad that I have done lots of work pofessionally and personally about talking with children, so I am holding on to that and try and address things with my little people as best I can.
I am also very greatful for my husband who is so supportive of me in this venture. He truly models this support in front of my little people-and since they are both attatched to us, I am hoping that at the end of the day, this will be reparative.
Now followers, just so we are clear, I am not trying to berate or say anything bad about my mother-I am venting, because this hurts but it is what it is. I really do not want to be viewed as a hypocrite. My mother has had a really hard life-there are not many stories I have heard that can top hers (and trust me I have heard a lot of stories) and if you knew-this explains alot.
But, this blog is about my process, of who I am and why I do what I do. I am sharing this information with you not to garner sympathy-but just so you know. And if my children ever read this one day, I want them to also know that life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, good and bad, and that no matter what we must carry on. Psychology has a huge part to play and its intersting that like life with all its curve balls, a triathalon is a microcosim of this too.
For those of you who know me, this has to do with my mother. How should I begin? Well lets just say ..........that at her best she is usually unsupportive in any venture I undertake. When I went to University she couldn't quite understand why on earth I would spend money to complete a graduate program after my underdegree. When I cut my hair in a certain way, she is the first to smirk and tell me how horrible it looks. My house is never clean enough, I don't feed my children properly....the list goes on and on. She will never acknowledge her role in a disagreement-suffice it to say that I have never ever heard her say sorry in my almost 40 years on this planet.
The problem is that because she is involved in my children's lives, some information about my life gets passed to her. About two months ago, she found out (not by me) that I am competing in a triathalon. She asked me about this, and I haven't really revealed too much other than to say it involves running, cycling and swimming. Immediately I heard the berated comments about how crazy I am and that I am simply doing a ridiculous amount of excercise (note-she has no clue about how long this is so you can imagine the comments that would follow if she really knew).
How does one deal with this? When I was younger, I desperately wanted her to change, however I have come to terms with the fact this will never happen. I am OK with this, and my strategy for dealing with her for the most part is to disdance. There is absolutely no point in discussing any issue that she already has an opinion about. Therapy has served me well in this regard. She is toxic to me and such is life. I believe that other people have it way harder so I can not complain. Life is hard for everyone-that I know for sure- even if on the surface it looks like a person has everything going for them-they don't-life is not like that.
So my rage began as I was sitting on the computer checking my email. My mother and daughter were outside talking to my neighbour. I could hear the conversation perfectly as the window was open. My mother was telling my neighbour about how stupid I was for doing triathalons, blah blah blah. Now its one thing to insult me to my face, but quite another to diss me behind my back. This upsets me greatly-not so much about what my neighbour may or may not think of me, but because my little daughter is obviously hearing how her grandmother is putting down her mother.
Fortunately, I have spoken to both my children about how their grandmother "is" . I suppose my mother never learned that if you can't say something nice-don't say it at all. I am also very glad that I have done lots of work pofessionally and personally about talking with children, so I am holding on to that and try and address things with my little people as best I can.
I am also very greatful for my husband who is so supportive of me in this venture. He truly models this support in front of my little people-and since they are both attatched to us, I am hoping that at the end of the day, this will be reparative.
Now followers, just so we are clear, I am not trying to berate or say anything bad about my mother-I am venting, because this hurts but it is what it is. I really do not want to be viewed as a hypocrite. My mother has had a really hard life-there are not many stories I have heard that can top hers (and trust me I have heard a lot of stories) and if you knew-this explains alot.
But, this blog is about my process, of who I am and why I do what I do. I am sharing this information with you not to garner sympathy-but just so you know. And if my children ever read this one day, I want them to also know that life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, good and bad, and that no matter what we must carry on. Psychology has a huge part to play and its intersting that like life with all its curve balls, a triathalon is a microcosim of this too.
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